lifestartsnow.

FOR THE LAST, FOR ALL

2009-12-18T14:47:00.002+08:00

image hosted by photobucket has gone kapoots as you can plainly see.
funny.
it kinda reflects the mood of the whole blog.. age-old template.. aloof entries..

it's about time i wrap this thing up anyways.

at the moment, queercanvas will leave at this. maybe i'll come back. maybe i will, maybe i won't. maybe i'll start anew. maybe i'll come back better.

maybe i'll tell you the new url.

season's greetings, all! :)

XOXO,
nurul hudha abdullah

2009-12-10T15:23:00.001+08:00

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

JAMIN

2009-11-21T10:57:00.000+08:00

Word of the Day for Saturday,
November 21, 2009

germane \juhr-MAYN\, adjective:
Appropriate or fitting; relevant.

...

jamin on the other hand, is ridiculously inappropriate at times.
like when the compilation of ALGEA in the small intestines can lead to urine infection. or how multiple mushrooms can grow in your eyes. or when milk tea with pearl becomes your favourite drink even though it's expensive, and your allergic to milk, and you believe in the fact that those pearls can choke your heart.

appropriate? hell no.
relevant? HELLO??
lovely? :) hell yes.

2009-11-18T11:46:00.002+08:00

quick update - the fucktard's gone. for another 9 working days at least. thank god.

but me, i'm tripping. happens everytime she's home.

then again, i hope it's simply PMS.

unworthy entry

2009-11-11T15:12:00.005+08:00

today sucks. pushing myself to complete minutes of an 1hr+ meeting but can't help overhearing bits and pieces of vcch's CRAP every other minute. if i am allowed ally mcbeal moments right now, i'd turn around and tell him to shut the fuck up so vulgarly, it'll make him shrink and cry. disgusting. he's SO digusting. forgive me God. i tried my best not to judge. but this human being seated behind me is beyond belief.

stupid ignorant arrogant money-faced hairless PINK fucktard.

the best part? he blames the whole world for his stupidity. anything or anyone else BUT himself.

PAGAL HAI

2009-10-26T12:21:00.006+08:00

ok this is what happens when this tiny department leaves me all alone in the office: i go on a video galore.

i thought i was nuts when i've been secretly going round my daily affairs with Wonder Girl's Nobodynobodybutchu stuck (practically plastered) in the walls of my head. nobody here nobody there, basically been nobody-ing everywhere. apparently i'm not that cuckoo. half the world is doing it too ok. in fact, they up the ante with the recording of their own versions. see?

hilarious.

seriously, where these girls came from and come to be this hot, i've no idea. doesn't really matter either.

now, what matters is this kental, backdated, outdated, obiang videos ahead. it goes wayyy back to yishun blk 331, 10th floor. unit number, i forgot. that was nenek's place sometime 1998 i think. that place was like the funnest place to hang out at at that point of time. god knows why. and it was during those years when one of the aunty was newly engaged, not to mention madly deeply in love with a pakistani-descendant (now) uncle who brought hindi tunes into our lives. which of course, developed into the hugest childlike crush on shahrukh khan. haiz. anyways! we could depend on her to stock up on SRK movies, and me and nurin would wait for the living room to clear, hook up the vcds, dance along to the exact steps of the songs. we would take turns being madhuri and srk each, cos we were both just as tall and skinny as each other. and then nenek would come out from her room or kitchen and catch us in action. we'd freeze of course. immediately on our bums, facing the tv screen with nonchalantly interest while the mind races going.."shit. did she see that?". priceless.

here, could we please go back 10 years in time? it was nice being happy and innocent.

2009-10-13T16:30:00.003+08:00

if my spirits and morale had a face, it would probably look spastic. cringed and distorted, a result of swinging from one extreme emotion to another. only when spending time alone with him the almighty up there, do i feel at ease. extreme ease, till i fall asleep sometimes. hah. anyways, work has been a bitch. a fully manicured bitch with crisp corporate clothes and expensive heels who just got transfered in. yup, that kind of bitch.

on another note.. i've a slight idea of what i want for christmas..

:)

2009-10-01T17:07:00.003+08:00

this coming payday, i am going to do a few things. for no other reason but myself. this time round, i'm gonna put no one else ahead but myself. been putting it off for way too long and i'd only have myself to blame if nothing ever takes place.

to you, i know you'll never come to read this. but should the interest to find out what's on my mind lately hits you, here's a hint:

whatever peace and happiness you're looking for out there, i hope you find it. honest to god, you're missed so badly. but there's no point you being around, only in flesh. but mind and soul, elsewhere. come back soon, and come back as yourself. take care for now. i love you.

2009-09-23T20:50:00.002+08:00

have you ever tried having plain prata soaked in sweet sweet teh tarik?

it's very nice.

IF you like teh tarik in the first place.

2009-09-23T17:17:00.003+08:00

the best thing that has happened to me all week long..

i almost forgot how comforting chocolates can be. very unlike human beings.

thanks, boss.

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH

2009-09-10T14:14:00.004+08:00

guess what i had for LUNCH today? :)

someone forwarded it to me quite some time back. and today, i found it online. officially an all-time favourite now! heh.

WORK

2009-09-10T11:02:00.004+08:00

feelings for work is such a weird thing.

sometimes i leave the house in the morning with a bounce in my step, sunshine in my face and all that crap..

and other times, most of the time actually, i'd cry out loud very much in despair that work is at least 15 mrt stations away.

no points for guessing which mood it is today. -_-

my mum was in kitchen cooking pineapple for pineapple tarts when i left home this morning. how i'd rather stay and help make those lovely yummies rather than head to work and..well..work. sheesh.

btw, my mum's kuih tart very nice. :)

ok. that's all. like that also can.

2009-08-31T11:35:00.003+08:00

someone was laughing at the "prosperity" bun i keep at the back of my head. "everytime i see you, that bun is growing bigger and bigger". TSK. -_-

i have to admit though, i'm itching to pull a drastic stunt to this very very sad excuse of erm..hair that i have going on right now..

SO! do i keep it and treat it...?

or snip it and clip it..?

he he he. i'm grinning with tempt already... :D

RAMADHAN 09

2009-08-24T10:38:00.008+08:00

i probably should have done up this entry last thursday when i was all psyched up about the month ahead - not solely because of all the future ayam goreng(s) involved though. :) it's simply the bliss that's always present, despite the ongoing daily routines and growling tummies and the stress of preps for the day at the end of the month (especially now that i am officially at the giving end of the green packet exchange. gulp.)..

anypoots, i'm back to office this morning. back to reality. indefintely with a clearer state of mind compared to the rollercoaster weekend i just had. and i'm thinking.. maybe i shouldn't allow allllll these ding dongs going round affect me and my enthusiasm for the month ahead. it does only happen once a year. it's too good a situation to fall depressed.

UNDETERRED shall be the word of the month here. :) dearest fellow muslims, have a pleasant journey this ramadhan. insyallah, the blessings will be ultimate.

2009-08-19T11:24:00.002+08:00

depicting my very sentiments - just a mere one hour after returning to office.

2009-08-12T14:55:00.003+08:00

alright, random;

#1 happy birthday, singapore :) despite all the teeny weeny complains all year round, 9th august always always manage to victoriously kick in the singaporean pride into this thick skull of mine. singapore's so cool - advanced (much thanks to mr lky, i'd say) yet idiotic ("you ask me, i ask who..") in our own ways.
* pls note that certain foreigners still annoy the hell out of me sometimes *

#2 happy birthday dear dear! celebrations still not over ok.. we'll continue for 38 days in style. nyeh.

#3 in spirit of patriotism and whatnot, i did something for the first time last week (which i should/could have done eons ago la, needless to say) - i, miss-skinny-fat-girl contributed a packet of blood to the national blood bank. :) best! the health screening questionnaires were a bit embarrasing, the blood test was rudely painful, the size of needle reminded me of Yakult straw, the eerie maroon of my blood when it started oozing into the tube freaked me out for a second but all in all, the feeling was good. furthermore, i received special treatment and extra goodies being one of the "senior staff nurse's daughter's friend". wa piang.

#4 i keep referring to yasmin's blog. don't know what i'm looking for also.

#5 i've resolute never become a mother.

#6 my boss sucks.

#7 kak idot got engaged! wedding's stirring up may next year. another excuse to wear fake lashes. haha.

#8 i caught SingDollar the musical. my virgin trip to the esplanade theater too. niceness! thank you, love.

k done. happy wednesday people! :)

AL-FATEHA

2009-07-26T13:30:00.006+08:00

Al-Fateha.

the least i could do for the dearly departed - an individual whom i very much look up to;

"Award-winning film director Yasmin Ahmad has died from massive bleeding in the brain at the Damansara Specialist Hospital. She died at 11.25pm yesterday. She had undergone surgery following her collapse at the TV3 headquarters Seri Pentas on Thursday. Relatives, loved ones and a large group of luminaries from the local movie and television scene gathered at the hospital the moment they heard about her death.

Among the first to arrive were veteran actress Fatimah Abu Bakar – a close friend of Yasmin – and Media Prima International CEO Datuk Seri Farid Ridzuan. Although distraught, those present paid tribute to the award-winning director. “We would come cross a few great people in our time on earth. Yasmin was one of them. “She wasn’t an easy person to live or work with, but that was only because she was so talented. “She had a big heart and vision that we usually don’t understand. That was why people misunderstood her. But she never intended any malice,” said Fatimah.

Yasmin will be buried after Zohor prayers today, although at press time the location of the burial has yet to be determined. Fatimah said Yasmin’s body would be taken to the SS19 Mosque in Subang Jaya for prayers."
a quick look at her recent works would remind all why she's (controversially) respected..

Talentime

Muallaf

Yasmin will be missed. very very much.

DREAMER

2009-07-21T14:42:00.004+08:00

i like.

in the grand scheme of things, i think i'm still very, very lucky. to have what i have, to know what i know, to believe what i believe.

just as long as you don't look too closely..

God's great.

CRUSHED

2009-07-06T17:02:00.002+08:00

looking at them, you wouldn't think they're on the path towards separation. an effortless facade, they need to put up for none other than themselves. it's heartbreaking to see him not knowing how to behave anymore; not a shred of credibility left to act upon his supposed authority, yet there's no way for him to show that defeated soul either. it's even more unimaginable to try and feel what she's been through over the decades. obligations one after another doesn't kill only pents up and rottens nasty within her. not examined closely, she'd be the easier one to blame. matters have gone far beyond pointing faults, or taking on blames though. tiring, is to say the least.

does tough loving all life long make sense? people come and go all the time, it's supposed to come natural. so now, get up. cos people around the world have far more devastating lives than this. no biggie.

at least that's what i keep telling myself..(even though we all bloody well know it's not working)..

2009-07-03T14:25:00.004+08:00

I am a honey bee
Shown out from the colony
And they won't let me in
So I left the hive
They took away all my stripes
And broke off both my wings
So I'll find another tree
And make the wind my friend
I'll just sing with the birds
They'll tell me secrets off the mark

But my other honey bee
Stuck where he doesn’t wanna be
Oh my darling honey bee
I'll come save you
Even if it means I'll have to face the queen

So I'll come prepared
My new friends say they would help me
Get my loved one back
They say it isn't right
The bees have control of your mind
But I choose not to believe that
So we'll meet in the darkness of the night
And I'll promise I will be there on time
We'll be guided by my new friends the butterflies
Bring us back to our own little hive

Oh my other honey bee
No longer stuck where he doesn’t wanna be
Oh my darling honey bee
I have saved you
And now that you're with me
We can make our own honey

haiz.. thinking aloud, i know we both sometimes fantasize about pulling off a Prison Break-romance-nonsense kinda thing, right dear? i know you do. but this bloody situation is NO fun!! i'm at work, piled high with things to clear before i can even think of knocking off for the day yet i'm still bored out of my mind. and my honey bee (more like bear) is having kickapoo and viceroy breaks in the car in a place where i can't reach. cb.

anypoots, this mini department of mine will be shifting soon, to a (very) enclosed office one floor down. we'll be in a room with big boss and his infamous PA. the room is literally a 4-walled kinda space, with matt glass as "windows" - no one can peek in/out, and the room door has an annoying tinkling bell that will serve as an audio indicator of anyone coming/leaving the room, and i heard the PA starts her day before 8am everyday; meaning from the time she seats her bum at 8, she'll be watching oh-so-very-grannily at who comes in at what time. gee. why do i have a bad feeling about this?

2009-06-26T10:20:00.004+08:00

TGIF, people!!! :) heads up, this is gonna be really random okie..

i saw a real deal ol' skool choo choo train on the way to work this morning somewhere around kranji-yew tee-cck area, and got so excited i just had to text msg someone. turns out, it's not exactly the most eventful that happened today; it's barely 11am now, and so far i've caught on this..

and this..(apparently it happened yesterday, but i'd no idea)..

and then, this..

..which of course was as painful as a simple prick, but the numb feeling is unbelievably amusing. think Horton - the scene where the Who mayor was at the dentist and somehow he ended up getting an anaesthetic on his arm instead of gums, generously slapped anyone/thing that somehow got in his way after that cos he cimply couldn't control his hand.. hilarious!(you better understand what i'm talking about after this very long explanation ok).

and as if all that hype is not enough, now i've to get people in my division to start folding stars! for an Orange Ribbon Project, take a read here if you'd like to.

alrighty.. this entry gets wrapped up right here, and hopefully the day doesn't plonk downwards here on.. adios!

2009-06-25T09:53:00.002+08:00

i really have no idea if you read this. but i'd be glad if you do.

happy birthday, nisa! :)
(..funny it seems EONS ago, we sneaked out to celebrate your 18th..)

THE QUIRK CANVAS

2009-06-24T17:50:00.000+08:00

i love this quirky thing!!!!

SICK-en

2009-06-23T11:49:00.000+08:00

on Contact Tracing duty; been going heavy on instant-Milo refills, pink pills, warm water, tissue paper(s?) and anti-itch eye-drop - i. am. a. mess.

how about someone serve me a HQO instead? HUH??

ME AND NY

2009-06-19T16:25:00.000+08:00

shoulda woulda coulda.

KENTANG!

2009-06-18T17:15:00.002+08:00

this is bad. 2 entries in a day. i was so super-duper busy just now, and i thought that was gonna help time to fly. apparently i thought wrong. i still have 45 long minutes to go. tired liao......... -_-

hey i just realised today i had nothing but potatoes. morning, i had 7-11's mash potatoes, then lunch was BK's french fries and now i'm pigging in a bag of Calbee's hot & spicy potato chips. and as i'm typing this, i'm thinking of Breek's potato boat & Pastamania's potato salad. it's like Fat & Lazy Couch Potato has progressed in life, and has turned into Corporate Junkie Desk Potato. i might have a skinny frame here and now but trust me, all these imbalanced snacking are gonna reflect real soon. they're gonna reflect in/at all the wrong places. and they're gonna reflect ugly.

2009-06-18T10:19:00.003+08:00

i was wrong about the next movie. apparently, i got the date wrong and Duplicity will only be showing on 2 July. what we did catch yesterday though was Taking of Pelham 123. personally for me, there wasn't a molecular chance of Travolta and Washington causing any bit disappointment, put together in a movie. true enough i was right. it wasn't a typical terrorist-attack movie, nor was it a bad-guy-badly-needs-hostage-money-for-some-psycho-purpose or bad-guy-simply-wants-to-take-over-the-world-plot either. Taking of Pelham 123's more like life's taboo; both the pro & antagonist found themselves in that grey area of good and bad. like there's always some good in bad deeds, and hidden bad deeds in what appears to be 'good'.

true, no?

SUCKIT

2009-06-16T11:14:00.003+08:00

didn't realise i was so knackered last night till i fell asleep with my contact lens still on, and the room light glaring onto my face through the night. i don't think i shifted in my sleep at all cos i woke up at 6+, on my right, still in the usual fetus-like position, both muscles and limps screaming in agony. sedap macam nak nangis.

do you know i live in a household of 6(+1)? and when i need to be alone, there's always always some kind of audio or visual or physical interruption? but when i could possibly use some help..for someone to wake me up, get me to sleep properly, turn the lights off or something.. noooobody bothers!

anypoots the point is, i'm having a bitch of a very kurang-ajar headached right now. and i just need to vent. so there.

good tuesday, people! =)

WHY SO?

2009-06-15T11:21:00.001+08:00

i really really really don't understand.

YA ALLAH..!

2009-06-11T12:16:00.004+08:00

today marks the old man's 50th. and then there's Fathers' Day coming up some time next week too, no?

...

i simply have prayers for him. and i thank God we're a family living under the same roof. thank God there's (technically) a roof at all, actually. i don't know. i don't think i should be blogging about this at all. it's way too private.

anyways.. work sucks. i dislike my boss. i don't mind the work though. i just don't fancy the people here. i hope i get transfered out somewhere better. or they get transfered elsewhere, then replaced by better people. whatever la.. shit. again, this is getting depressing. let's try something else.

ouh!! go watch State of Play. we missed out a teeny bit of the opening but it was pretty easy to catch up thereafter. it kinda re-ignited the whole "i SO want to write as a profession" thingy.. but ya.. just look at this entry. this very entry. it's amazing what a profound writing style i have! (gag) -_- anypoots. it was good. not very very good. but good - coming from someone who's perpetually sleepy like me. it'll keep you concentrating through the whole 90 minutes. (perhaps i should make a reference point here: i actually fell asleep halfway through Pirate of Caribbean movie some time back. Lols! yes i'm THAT good, i tell ya.)

next up, Duplicity. julia roberts + kickass secret agent/spy plot - better not be a disappointment.

=P

NUMB

2009-06-02T11:56:00.003+08:00

pinched & tested hard - i'm beginning to not feel anymore pain.

much lesser than i used to, anyway.

JANGAN PANDANG ATAS

2009-05-27T13:19:00.001+08:00

i was bored.

COME PUT ME TO SLEEP

2009-05-19T14:49:00.001+08:00

right now, all i want to do is:
1) get home
2) change into a tank & shorts
3) jump onto the bed
4) find my way under the comforter
5) dig into my lovely Mrs Kimble
6) until i fall asleep
7) and wake up to a saturday

#7 is negotiable.

ITCHING. DYING.

2009-05-15T16:16:00.001+08:00

i think i'm addicted to school. march 2007 i landed myself a full-time job. just 6 months into it, i gave it up to go back to school. school which i couldn't afford at that point of time (still paying for it as we speak!). and then here i am - in a new (so very precious) full-time position i took up since feb 2009, and i.. want to go back to school. i'm dying to go back to school. i've printed out endless brochures & course info from the Net. and it's been..what?..3 months?? money's not the issue here. i bet my life it could drop from the sky if i pray hard enough. cos i want it so bad.

very very itchy liao.

how?

POPS!

2009-05-13T12:07:00.002+08:00

PHYSICS

What Makes Your Cereal Go Snap, Crackle, Pop?

Reported December 2006

MINNEAPOLIS (Ivanhoe Broadcast News) --

Snap, crackle, pop! Does your cereal talk to you? Rice Krispies -- the breakfast that talks to you -- has been around for nearly 80 years, but scientists have only recently figured out why it makes that noise.

Food scientist Ted Labuza, Ph.D., says there are a few reasons.

"Rice Krispies has sugar in it. It's the sugar that causes it to interact in the different way with the starch, and that makes a big difference," Dr. Labuza, who is professor of Food Science and Engineering at University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, tells Ivanhoe. In fact, sugar is the second ingredient in the Krispies. It's much lower on the list in other cereals.

Another reason? Rice Krispies are cooked at such a high temperature, the sugar forms crystals that behave almost like glass. If you crush them, they'll break into pieces.

During the cooking process, each piece of rice expands, and tiny air-filled caves form inside. The Krispies' bubbles are about 20-times bigger than those in puffed rice cereal.

Here's what really happens inside: The Krispie absorbs the milk and the air-filled caves become filled with liquid. Air is then pushed around until the walls shatter and make a noise. And that's what you hear!

Dr. Labuza says the Krispies probably make different sounds because of the different sizes of the air pockets. They stop making noise after they pick up all the milk they can handle. He says this is the only food that acts this way -- with the exception of Pop Rocks candy. But never mind why it happens. Some of us only care how it tastes!

this strip of article was brought to my attention first thing in the morning. and now i want nothing else but rice krispies.

DEAR??

ART OF BEING

2009-05-11T09:29:00.002+08:00

"And having learned to deny our own yearning to be taken care of, we grew up looking for more oppotunities to do what we had become so good at; being preoccupied with someone else's wants and demands rather than acknowledging our own fear and pain and unmet needs. We've been pretending to be grown up for so long, asking for so little and doing so much, that now it seems too late to take our turn. So we help and help, and hope that our fear will go away and our reward will be love."

- Robin Norwood, Women Who Love Too Much,
as quoted by Elisabetta Franzoso, Stella's Mum Gets Her Groove Back.

if i got a dollar for every thought that crosses my mind daily, i'd probably be on par with the likes of Paris Hilton and her hot girlfriends by the end of this year. matter of fact, now it's racing madly more than ever. so much so, it took me long enough to put in this entry while i've been thinking about it for quite some time, honestly.

over the course of 3 days last week, i had attended an external course titled "Being a Powerful Communicator: The Art of Thinking, Talking, Listening and Presenting". it provoked truck loads more than simply theoritical lessons on communication & presentations, is what i have to say to that. in a class of 8+1, for whom i adopted great respect for after getting to know them within that short span of time, i learnt so much more about myself than i ever realised over the past 22 years. within 3 days that seemed to pass by so quickly, i found my voice, lost my silly inhibitions and opened up to 8 strangers in ways that surprised even myself. what i got in return, is priceless. and i believe, so very much, that all that took place is not a coincidence. God planned for me to be there, to learn, to make changes, and to believe i can pull through all this. masyallah.

SWINE

2009-05-05T11:23:00.003+08:00

i'm not about to curse the Swine Flu..(which truly holds up to its name, raising my daily workload by 3-folds btw!)..just yet.

..UNLESS they cancel my external course at NUS because of it. only then, i'd be realllllly pissed to say the least.

babi.

THIS THURSDAY

2009-04-23T09:40:00.002+08:00

my mouth's been shut tight since the moment i woke up and i can feel my stinking breath warming the throat. i'm yearning for fat greasy breakfast. make that one with lots and lots of melted cheese. oh, fuck.

one miserable hour in the office i'm already dying to leave. only immuned robots with no needs nor feelings can work attentively in an environment like this. not me.

..or maybe they had their breakfast, that's why..

2009-04-20T11:45:00.000+08:00

would it be boasting if i were to say..

it feels like i've been pleasantly touched in the most sensual manner?

ho well, i've just said it anyways. the feeling's great, not to mention how timely that it happened on a gorgeous Sunday evening. you know..that universal grunt 'bout how Mondays are always a bitch.. it's not happening today! :)

alhamdulillah.

REFLECTIONS, LITERALLY.

2009-04-09T16:11:00.003+08:00

cool right?

yes, i am supposed to be busy at work. but these 2 days....... i'd be better off giving myself unofficial breaks or i might just resort running back to HR and beg them for a transfer elsewhere.

i'm not exaggerating.

CHOCOLATE RESEARCH FACILITY

2009-04-07T11:43:00.004+08:00

.click here.

BABY LET'S GO!!!

MEDIA & ME

2009-04-07T09:46:00.004+08:00

had i still been a part of class AMCD2 0719A of MDIS, we would have had a lot to talk about and discuss (and argue) on those news, especially the one on freer press. damn i miss school. i miss arguing about mass comms in class as if it'll be the end of the world if we don't voice those thoughts just bursting at its ream. i miss sitting in class sometimes.. thinking.. "how the fish did i end up in a class like this?"

though i remember it driving me nuts (not to mention sleepless nights) at one point of time, i'd take on a magazine analysis assignment over looking out for lab analysis service tenders anytime. ANYTIME.

while we're there already, i might as well bitch a lil update about work; BC's going on leave for the next 2 weeks, and that would leave me with 3 managers and one very loud (but sometimes real helpful) PA to support. and also a temp to "lead", as BC puts it.

ladies and gentleman, i am so screwed.

MATTER OF LIFE & DEATH

2009-03-31T10:47:00.006+08:00

i've a neighbour from 2 doors away.. a family of 4 - mum, dad, son & daughter. i don't know how old they exactly are, but the parents are definitely younger than my own, and the children goes to the same primary school as my siblings. we hardly ever talk to them, not that we had anything against each other (besides a silly tiff the mums had over some corridor-space nonsense years ago), we just never really had the uber warm & friendly neighbour-to-neighbour kinda thing going on either..

anyways.

two mornings ago, the mum passed away of cancer.

and for the life of me (no pun intended swear to God), i have no idea what to do.
.
.
.
.
.
and it just hit me, like 2 mili-seconds ago, that she passed on on my birthday. ouch.

TURTLE SOUP LOVE

2009-03-20T12:38:00.006+08:00

lagi random.

ich liebe dich, like ich liebe Turtle Soup =)

RO(C)K

2009-03-20T12:14:00.004+08:00

very random.

going through some emails at work, i saw this:

"International Collaboration - Sg & ROK"

you not scared ar? Sg collaborate with ROK. say out "ROK" (rock) and i'd imagine some full-works heavy metal hard-core punk with jagged necklace thingy, black eyeliner, black nail polish etc, holding some scary shit weird-sounding guitar with jagged metal thingies sticking out everywhere kinda thing....

turns out ROK stands for Republic of Korea. -_-

excuse my ignorance, world.

MY BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY

2009-03-19T09:56:00.003+08:00

it's said that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

what's beautiful in my eyes..(and body and mind and soul)..is that we're one day shy off the weekends. suh-weet!

and what's least bit pretty is the Integrated Assessment later this afternoon. cb lor.

11

2009-03-18T10:27:00.006+08:00

i've been meaning to catch up with those above, but never seem to get around it.

oh well, besides serving as a self-reminder..(you know, should free time miraculously occur)..i guess that same list could double up as a hint, no? =)

11.

HERO(ES), NOT.

2009-03-12T16:05:00.001+08:00

an incident that took place at the crack of dawn earlier today triggered hell lots of bothering thoughts. being buried with work (not to mention sunlight-deprived!) in this cluttered cubicle of mine, the thoughts dont seem to be going away.

i love them.

i used to find them my heroes. not anymore, sadly. damn sad indeed. if you miss someone badly when they're not around, yet you just wanna scream and get away far as possible from this missed person as soon as you meet, it's called contradicting, right? which would then, make me Big Fat Ms Contrary. how do you manage with that kinda feelings? i've no fucking idea. i simply keep away, in self-denial perhaps. conscience says i shouldnt let it drag: do something. even micheal jackson too, said "if you wanna make a change in the world, start with the man in the mirror".. (something like that la huh..), which also means: do something.

so! tell me how does one go about this - him; the overprotective. (biased) love blinds him from all faults & flaws of the loved one. anythings goes, as long as the 'closeness' lasts. even through rotten pretence and unpleasant obligations. but what he gives, he expects the very leeway and leniency in return. her; the disciplinary. nothing impresses her. you could die trying, but you couldnt possibly ever be good enough for her. she vents frustration at any and every that doesnt go her way - which of course, is a lot of things.

and then there's me. simply the emotional idiot.

tough call, huh?

on a different note, i SO very very badly need a tub of Ben & Jerry's Turtle Soup tonight. i'm dead serious. thank God it's the 12th. woots!

LESSER LIVING FOR FULLER LFE

2009-03-06T10:07:00.003+08:00

saw this on Dewi Lestari's blog and i loved it. .

Dee Manifesto:
Lesser Living For A Fuller Life

Own less. Create more.

Buy less. Share more.
Work less. Play more.

Less media gazing. More sky gazing.
Less cellphone time. More reading time.
Less noise. More silence.

Less impulsive shopping. More frugal consuming.
Less wanting. More gratitude.
Less needing. More contentment.

Explain less. Act more.
Stress less. Laugh more.
Think less. Feel more.

Less promises. More surprises.
Less performances. More inquiries.
Less concepts. More experiments.

Answer less. Question more.
Comply less. Question more.
Believe less. Question more.

Less known. More unknown.
Less handed-down beliefs. More self-discoveries.
Less fixation. More freedom.

Talk less. Listen more.
Analyze less. Experience more.
Judge less. Observe more.

Less concrete. More soil.
Less tabloids. More trees.
Less smoking sections. More fresh air.

Criticize less. Appreciate more.
Object less. Understand more.
Exclude less. Include more.

Less knowledgeable. More innocence.
Less target. More acceptance.
Less doing something. More doing nothing.

Attach less. Release more.
Ignore less. Meditate more.
Fear less. Breathe more.

Less addiction. More awareness.
Less norms. More conscience.
Less mindless. More mindfulness.

if pictures paint a thousand words, then her words evokes a million thoughts. lovely.

THE 22ND WISH

2009-03-05T12:28:00.001+08:00

"If Allah helps you, none can overcome you.
If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you?
In Allah, then, let believers put their trust." - Al-Imran, 3:160.

March is gonna be interesting. stand by me, baby. like how i will stand by you.

JUST CHECKING IN

2009-02-25T13:57:00.003+08:00

i'm hot. and i'm cold. and no, i'm not singing.

life's precious, i get it. so let's go through it together with as much love as He permits.

i love you.

ECSTACY

2009-02-02T11:30:00.003+08:00

oh, yes hello!
ecstatic, doesnt even begin to describe this feeling.

like FINALLY, BABY! :)

TRUST

2009-01-13T14:36:00.002+08:00

trust
Pronunciation: \ˈtrəst\
Function: noun

1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b:

one in which confidence is placed

2 a: dependence on something future or contingent : hope b: reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered : credit
3 a: a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another b: a combination of firms or corporations formed by a legal agreement ; especially : one that reduces or threatens to reduce competition
4archaic : trustworthiness
5 a (1): a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2): something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another b: responsible charge or office c: care , custody (the child committed to her trust)

go figure.

THE ONE YOU FEED

2009-01-09T13:16:00.001+08:00

One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, greed, and arrogance. The other is Good - It is peace, love, hope, humility, compassion, and faith."

The grandson thought about this for a while and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

To which the old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

EIGHT ALPHA, THREE WORDS.

2008-12-31T02:51:00.000+08:00

i love you. still.

TIS THE SEASON

2008-12-26T10:29:00.002+08:00

things are taking a turn.. no, a spin.
so drastic it scares the shit of out me honestly.

give it time.
give me time.
and i'll figure out the next step real soon.

in the mean time.. happy holidays, people! best time of the year for Project Weight-Gain, no? :)

COOL WATER

2008-12-23T03:03:00.001+08:00

this entry i'm about to post might just be one of the most annoying one i've ever done. here goes..

knocked off work unnaturally early today, and i found myself standing in the middle of Holland V a good 15 minutes later. passed by the parking lot, and smiled a redundant one at the Valet stand that amused me the first time i saw it. i thought i heard your voice asking "you want, dear?" as i moved on, passing by Haagen Daaz. i must have imagined it though. straight on to Sasa, the cosmetics shop. picked up that all-too-familiar rectangular blue bottle, gave it a spritz on the tester strip, and then walked off spending the rest of the evening window-shopping with that little strip in hand for reassurance.

three years. look what i've done now.

MID-WEEK MORNING

2008-12-18T08:24:00.002+08:00

wishful thinking served me hotcakes, scrambled eggs and bacon strips with juice for breakfast this morning. reality, on the other hand.. handed over a cuppa instant-Milo. sweetness of life, ey? :)

another thursday yet again. life's like watching a tele-movie now. except sometimes it's not so amusing when you know the characters are for real, and acting they're not. i find myself waking up with "what now?" thoughts a little too often lately. it's pretty draining.

staying aloof seems to be working fine for now.

yeap. for now.

NOT

2008-12-16T08:37:00.000+08:00

aku suka body-surfing pagi-pagi dalam MRT sempit nak mampos dengan orang-orang yang tak mandi.

-_-

MEDIAPOLIS

2008-12-11T16:16:00.004+08:00

on the typical silent war-for-space-train ride to work this morning, i was reading this:

Singapore is now one step closer towards becoming the region's media hub.

The construction of the first phase of Mediapolis@ one-north in Buona Vista is scheduled to kick off next year.

A 19-hectare plot of land - equivalent to about 20 football fields -- has been earmarked for this initial phase.

Mediapolis@ one-north is a joint effort between the Media Development Authority, JTC Corporation, the Infocomm Development Authority and the Economic Development Board.

The global financial turmoil has adversely affected economies all over the world.

But Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts, Dr Lee Boon Yang says, the long term outlook for Asia's media industry remains encouraging.

Quoting a recent report by professional services firm, Pricewaterhouse Coopers, Dr Lee says, the media industry is expected to grow at nearly 9 percent annually.

"The economic downturn may reduce the actual growth. But with a competitive cost structure, a growing audience of young and affluent middle class, as well as greater connectivity to digital content, Asia will continue to attract investors in search of opportunities."

Local media production company, Infinite Frameworks, will be the first tenant of Mediapolis@ one-north.

As part of this initial phase, the company will invest some 100 million dollars to develop a soundstage complex in the hub.

Covering an area of about 1.2 hectares, the complex is expected to be ready by 2011.

Dr Lee says, Mediapolis@ one-north will also be home to international and local media companies, media schools, as well as Research and Development firms.

"The plan calls for the development of soundstages, digital post production studios, work lofts as well as retail, recreation and accomodation facilities."

JTC Corporation says, each building in the first phase of the project may cost up to 120 million dollars to construct.

A model of the hub reveals that about 20 buildings may be built during this phase of the development which is expected to be completed by 2020.

And depending on the industry's demand, the second phase of the development, covering an additional 18 hectares, may be rolled out shortly after that.

Chairman of the Mediapolis@ one-north Steering Committee, Chan Yeng Kit, has highlighted the advantages of launching the media hub during a recession.

Mr Chan , who's also MICA's Permanent Secretary, says
the government can cut back on building costs as these are low during an economic downturn.

Philip Su, who's the Assistant Chief Executive Officer of JTC Corporation, shares the same sentiment.

He adds there's also an overwhelming demand for the facility .

"We have this gap that is missing for a long time. And to really get ourselves ready for the media industry, is to get the right infrastructure. And get them ready when the upturn is there."

i know it's still a few good years ahead and all..

but I AM EXCITED. :D

a sign, no?

CROSSROADS

2008-12-02T01:52:00.000+08:00

she finds herself standing at the crossroads yet again. of which occurs a lot more often at recent times than it ever has. the right, littered with clues of changes, better changes perhaps, never to be certain until if and when she does decide to go through it. the left, a curvy path filled with decisions that are to be made out of tough loving. by and by, she charges straight ahead towards familiarity and what she identifies as her comfort zone. never proven if it was for any good. all it takes is a little euphamism here and there and all will go well.

or all will seem well, at least.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

2008-11-24T19:02:00.005+08:00

if you know me, then you'll know how much i adore Yasmin Ahmad and her works. (even if you yourself find her boring or unsensible or difficult to make out, or simply plain boring).

so if you know me, you'll know how much the following words will excite me;

THE PICTUREHOUSE EXPLORES: MUALLAF
Meet the Director Yasmin Ahmad & Cast

so if you really know me, can you guess how sore it'll be if i don't get to go for this..?

:(

very seldom, i have a weekend filled with plans. and when i finally do, this happens.

boo hoo!! :(

2008-11-17T19:26:00.002+08:00

blogging from/about work is probably not gonna stop anytime soon. but oh heck! today, nurin did this to me on msn:

(mind you, she did it when i was freezing cold and hungry and dying for some kind of perks that this office obviously doesnt offer!)

--WORK-- says: k kau tgk eh.. ade chocolate swirl cheesecake

--WORK-- says: cheesecake with toblerone

--WORK-- says: brownie cheesecake

nunu says: shuddup. kau pernah nampak kasut size 10 terbang dpd outram pegi chinatown?

--WORK-- says: wait....coffee bean's triple decker- mocha cheesecake+ oreo

--WORK-- says: kalau kau tgk gambar dia lagi kau mcm nk mati

--WORK-- says: tiramisu- moist, pillow soft sponge cake laced with coffee, layered with delicate mascarpone cheese and blanketed with a dusting of cocoa

--WORK-- says: kau layan aku je k

--WORK-- says: brownie cheesecake- diced chocolate brownie topped with a layer of creamy cheesecake sprinkled with crushed walnuts

--WORK-- says: k k la..

--WORK-- says: stop it eh

-_-. nurin abdullah. my dearest cousin.

OF SINS & CAFFEINE

2008-11-14T16:48:00.002+08:00

i'm slurping tasteless dispenser-instant Milo, while thinking of Coffee Bean's Hazelnut Latte.

sigh.

FROM THE DESK OF AN OBSERVER

2008-11-13T18:48:00.000+08:00

am now at work and getting cross-eyed sifting through endless lists of resumes and CVs sent in. the whole time, i'm pondering if there are other people out there with stiff necks, frozen asses, blue fingers and growling tummies, frowning into their monitors, sifting through my resume that i've prepared with great care and greater hope. perhaps they'll go.."hmm, not bad ar this girl. let's call her up for interview!". apparently that isn't/hasn't happened though. cos my phone is not ringing at all.. :(

dear future employers of the world, in case you are somehow, someway, by some miracle, happen to be reading this.. please. i am a smart and hardworking girl. really! :)

something in this office finally amused me this morning. as i was walking in, i had to pass by the Corp Comms department where they have a small ol' skool television set sitting on an ol' skool coffee table. for monitoring media clips i guess. so anyways. there was a piece of paper pasted on the face of the telly and it read:

"I wanna go on diet and become a flat-screen tv. Merry Christmas!"

hur. so there ARE people in this building with the littlest sense of humour.

that aside, im dying to shop. shop like MAD. like really really SHOP. sigh. i so deserve it. AsknLearn, please employ me so that i can earn that 4-digit pay (even after CPF) so that i can shop without forgoing the bills or the parents or feel guilty. truly, only, because i. deserve. it.

MUAHAHAHA!!!

AGAIN AND AGAIN

2008-11-10T12:17:00.000+08:00

i feel like a stupid malay girl.

I WANNA SULK PRETTY

2008-11-03T18:27:00.001+08:00

WAKE-UP CALL

2008-10-31T15:01:00.003+08:00

it's been months. here i'd love to be spraying words of merry if i could. if only i had any, in the first place.

mind sickeningly racing and heart drained almost void of emotions. what do you call that anyway? when it's all hollow but so heavy you could barely contain.. huh? wake-up call(s) should do one good every once in a while. but this one, it's a bitch. a hell of a bitch.

the story, i'd like to spill. but given the choice, i'd rather curl up and wail out loud, cry myself ugly.

now, how bout that?

XIAO GUA SPEAKS UP

2008-10-08T19:25:00.003+08:00

i've been told boldly that i talk too much for someone whose blog is always on hibernating mode. hur. :P

it's pretty sad that the Holy/festive month just passed by like that. time sure flies, whether or not you're having fun. this year's affair is very very much low-key compared to the previous ones. can't point a finger as to why so..

oh well, Selamat (belated) Hari Raya, all. These 10 long-but-pudgy-fingers i put together to sincerely seek forgiveness for all that i've ever done that may have caused any offence in any way. God bless you.

today onwards, we open new book hokay. KHE =)

my amazingly-chill-to-the-baby life is presently occupied with (surprise, surprise!) work. -_- i find myself in a train or in the office more often than i eat nowadays. like i said, 24 hours in a day is simply never enough. and i'm not even a full-time staff.

every other thing takes place so fast, so much so i get really homesick at times.
(but once i'm home and i see the kitchen sink piled high with soiled plates, or my bed full of clothes that needs folding, i get sick of home instead.)

not that i'm complaining though.. i'd willingly work a month straight without any off days than be jobless (again). and the people here are truly a nice bunch. you just gotta look really hard beyond those uptight smiles of theirs and get past their not funny jokes. hur. i just wished the journey back and forth wasn't so draining. i wish i could cut out the whole of Outram and paste it next to Woodlands :) just like how i wish i could cut out a Breeks outlet and paste it at my void deck :) :)

talk about that! i've been pining for KFC's Bandito wrap. and McDonald's breakfast bagel. and Delifrance's baked potato. :( how come they don't sell those items anymore? how come they stop selling all those items that I like??

they did it on purpose, if i didn't know any better. stupidd. kasi susu tarok melamine baru tahu.

ok ladies and gentleman, it's 7.21pm and im still in the office with work waiting to be cleared sprawled all over (and under) my desk. what am i doing? blogging. marvelous.

PS. you! the one in HK now. said you would call today but nothing until now. faster come back, can??

PPS. i can't wait for the 18th :) God, please let all go smoothly.

TO SAY THE LEAST

2008-09-25T08:59:00.000+08:00

lately.

almost everything that comes out of your mouth, i find it hurting.
whether or not you mean you what you say is a whole different thing.

perhaps it's just me, i don't know.

i just know that i'm really unhappy.

how did this come to be?

SINCERELY YOURS

2008-09-17T14:01:00.003+08:00

i'm not one to sing praises upon myself.
but i know myself. and i know i'm working very hard.

never seems enough though.

things in life that doesn't come by easily. that, i'm used to. i'm thankful even. for it simply heightens the degree of appreciation when things do go right.

so how come i'm running out of breath already..?

SHE ME WE THEY

2008-09-07T22:30:00.001+08:00

meet Wardha, Indah & Casper.

GIGITTT KAN LA...!!!!!

RAMADHAN AL-MUBARAK

2008-09-01T13:09:00.001+08:00

GRAND OLD DAME TURNS 76

2008-08-27T05:44:00.007+08:00

sunday, Nenek's 76th@Hougang
chocolate toffee cake, chocolate pudding, chocolate fondue & mrs fields chocolate brownies. potted plant, silk, thai silk, Bonia & Longines. granddaughters, grandsons, grandson-in-law, grandson(s)-out-law, great-grandchildren. noisy Trisno.

go figure.

kak ann; not quite the domestic material, to say the least.

*sweetest of them all*

ok thucks all.

REIGNING GIRLS

2008-08-24T23:00:00.001+08:00

sometimes i log on to this page, half-expecting auto self-generated updates of my life. guess it doesn't happen that way. :|

at this very moment i'm contemplating taking medical leave from work tomorrow. the killer headache ringing around, i can feel thru my eye sockets. the nose is running like a leaking tap. and menstrual backaches is plainly, a bitch. but maybe i just need to sleep it all off. i've still got at least 7 hours to do just that..

yesterday i somehow found myself surrounded by the sisters, yummy pre-loved dresses bags shoes, brand-new Lola babies and pretty pretty fireworks towards the end of the night. ok, it wasnt coincidental. we were at fleaflyflofun @ Home Club. and seeing how i hardly get to spend time with my 2 brats, i dragged them along with me to accompany the elder brat. eh wrong. the elder sister i mean. so there we spent the saturday night away. talking about 'spent'.. i, nurul hudha, have shamefully underestimated my sisters. talking bout the young ones here. they were having a ball of a time running in and out of the club, sifting thru the odd trinkets of comics, puzzles, cosmetics, tops and dresses that were being sold. they were having fun shopping! in a place like that. at MY expense. and i was actually worried they'd get bored. -_- but then again, i can't really complain. they're being independent. and that's a good thing, no?

damn. i've plenty more to tell; 'bout work. and the family. and the endless quirky observations i come across every single day. but i think i'll spare it for another day. the glare coming from this screen squared in front of me is probably not the best thing i should be concentrating on right now.

nite, nite people. have a damn good Monday if you can.

love, love.

PS. i miss you. (us).

HELP?

2008-08-10T15:57:00.001+08:00

i'm growing skinnier by the minute. one day, i'll probably just vanish into thin air.

that'll be something..

THERE, THERE..

2008-07-21T23:41:00.006+08:00

REALISE

2008-07-19T21:12:00.000+08:00

a cool wet night, cuppa hot tea and colby caillat on play sure works for a stay-in saturday night.

i feel like life's passing by steadily, as if understanding the need for me to catch up with it. so that i'd be able take in everything as it happens, and appreciate every bit of it. i got to say, the recent change of routine has been a much-needed one. the past months were made up of nothing except endless bitter (sometimes totally unnecessary) arguments which truly takes root out of my nasty temper as much as i hate to admit it, i couldn't stand myself. heck, i was the last person i wanted to be.

anyhow.. mr reality says there's no such thing as turning back time, so i'd have to make it up with all who had kindly put up with me in time to come. being employed, for a start, makes it a little easier as i'll be having enough moolahs to actually go out without having the worry of running dry. and of course.. there's those uber important august birthday(s). khe.

i think i'm coming round. and it feels good..

BEST OF YOUR INTEREST

2008-07-07T17:10:00.004+08:00

heart in mouth,
brain stuck in a wedgie.

smart, nurul, SMART.

note to family & friends: if you're not already pissed at me for some reason or another (yet), don't bother coming into contact. it will ruin your day/mood/whateverelse that could possibly be ruined.

with love.

MY PLEASURE AND MY PAIN

2008-06-19T17:49:00.003+08:00

i think i smell like those funny-shaped small "birthday" cakes that you see in the glass displays in unknown neighbourhood bakeries. you know those tasteless sponge cakes laden with tons and tons of colourful cream, and sometimes just-as-tasteless chocolate shavings all around. and those sweet sweet coloured jams on top of it, making out a picture of some unknown Japanese superhero character or something. or maybe sometimes, if you're lucky, you even get a mini toy car on those cakes. uh huh.

and no, it's not a pleasant smell.

today i started to vacumn the house in a terribly foul mood and was about to plug in the machine into the fuse-thingy when i somehow smartly swung the plug head right into my already-purple knee. sedap. then a few minutes into it, i sucked up a bottle cap without realising it and of course. it got stuck. this made the machine an invalid for the next half hour or so. and made me, even more moody than i already was. somehow, it seemed like everybody else in the house had nothing better besides watching me make a fool out of myself. seriously la, i've never felt them pay so much attention to me. they concentrated on me with such overwhelming love. SHEESH!!!

yesterday was better.

yesterday, i received an ugly gray printout from MDIS, containing my GP results. and i gotta smile! :) did much better than i expected.

and yesterday, the ShopnSave downstairs re-stocked their Marigold Chocolate Pudding. and i had TWO cups. all. by. myself! :P

HOTSTUFF

2008-06-13T17:02:00.002+08:00

homygoddddd.

we're like so HOT la can.

SOLACE IN ME

2008-06-10T04:49:00.001+08:00

thoughts like whirlwind, even before the eyelids lift themselves.
the new day is greeted by lethargy alone.
a desperate need for reassurance follows.
and then i feel my hand grasped by another,
the comfort pleasantly warm.

not till when realisation dawned, perhaps a little too soon for my own good, that it was only me. myself.

LOVE AFTER SIGHTS

2008-05-24T21:38:00.002+08:00

" Within three months, they have clothes and toothbrushes at each other's apartments. He sees her for entire weekends without make-up, sees her with gray shadows under her eyes as she types papers at her desk, and when he kisses her head he tastes the oil the accumulates on her scalp in between shampoos. He sees the hair that grows on her legs between waxings, the black roots that emerge in between appointments at the salon, and in these moments, these glimpses, he believes he has known no greater intimacy. " - The Namesake, Jhumpa Lahiri.

BLEEDING NOTE

2008-05-19T08:26:00.004+08:00

"i rather be doing nothing, than doing something i hate" - WHAT HAPPENS IN LAS VAGES

well, i'd rather be physically knocked out, but spilling with pride and satisfaction, than mentally and emotionally dampened and staying stagnant at the pit of helplessness. understatement, no?

it's been a long while since i truly smiled to myself. it's been a longer while since i saw positivism in the things i do. feels like i'm missing myself in this leg of life's journey. relationships that i once took pride in, i miss too. attempting to mend them would be fruitless cos we've all moved on too far ahead in life to remain the same, like how we used to be. but i've come to realise, it is really myself that i miss the most.

there is no point blaming circumstances for the changes that's taking place in here. neither is there relevance of accusing others of "messing with my mind". cos ultimately, deep down inside, i know for a fact that every thoughts and emotions that run through is a result of the way I choose to think, feel and react. i could only count on myself to allow joy, or pain to occur.

easier said than done, of course.

i've been submerging myself in fictional characters' lives, staying close to them right up to their happy endings. cos they always do end up happy no matter how deep their scars run; probably the best form of escapism i could lay on myself. but i know that denying reality, it won't get me far. it would soon be time to pick myself up once again, and learn to stand strong on my own. without a doubt, there would be rejections, lies, disappointments and hurt up ahead. but like i said, i have myself to count on. and i've always truly believed, whatever gets thrown my way, is meant for me to grow stronger with.

god bless.

on a similar note, i thank god for girlfriends.

thank you for that afternoon out, ladies. and Happy 25th, J & M.. :)

VERSES OF LOVE

2008-05-18T23:33:00.006+08:00

WHO YOU KIDDING?

2008-05-18T23:25:00.001+08:00

listen. i don't hate. or bear grudges.

but i do know that i don't like you when my stomach feels sick, and my spirits sink low at the slightest mention of your name.

so just stay dead, ok?

we were never friends anyway.

A HAND?

2008-05-14T22:01:00.002+08:00

yup, you could actually do that. they've really made it that simple.

so...what say you?

WAKE UP CALL

2008-05-10T14:48:00.002+08:00

it's 2:43pm on a beauuuuuuuuutiful saturday.

and i am still wearing what i have been wearing for the past 12 hours (or more). means, i haven't bathe (or even attempted to). the whole house is horribly undone. means i've yet to clean up anything. my dearest father has been extremely extremely patient, putting up with me since i woke up at about noon. all i did was brush my teeth and plopped oh-so-innocently in front of the home PC. kaypoh here, kaypoh there. update a little here and there. and 2 hours later, still online. doing nothing beneficial to mankind. or even animals, for that matter.

i have been on an all-time ultra-high-sensitivity emotional run. meaning just about anything can provoke my otherwise normal facade, into a horrible ugly screaming crying raging with fury bitch. ok no la, not that bad. but i simply get mad. or frustrated. or start tearing and weeping and bawling. at the smallest things. i am aware of it. i know it's not me. but i just. can't. help. it. annoying, ok?and no, it's not menses. it's caused by numerous contributing factors. which i shall not explain. cos i don't know how to explain.

right now, my dad is cooking in the kitchen. and by the sound of the (very, very) typical bickering coming from inside my room, i can roughly make out that the girls are trying to "clean up" the room. my mum is slaving the day away at work. my brother is out on some study-group thingy. both mum and brother long gone even before i woke up. and me?

blogging. complaining about "life". what life, you may ask?

exactly my point.

anyhow.. HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND, PEOPLE!! :)

WHEN THE SUN SHINES

2008-05-02T01:12:00.001+08:00

we're baaaaaack.......

not with a full entry this time round though. the freaking weather is not allowing me to sit still for long now. :|

damn, it's so HOTTTT isn't it?

KL THE 2ND

2008-04-24T01:13:00.002+08:00

so i guess i am going after all. -_-

i don't know whether to laugh (out of how ridiculous the whole situation is!) or to cry. all i know, i am going to miss out a lot back here. even if it's for a mere 3 days.

and i also know who i am going to miss the most.

ok, cry.

ROSETTA PARKER

2008-04-22T13:44:00.004+08:00

hurry!

SONG IN THE INBOX

2008-04-21T00:12:00.003+08:00

of late, i've been pretty down physically and more so emotionally. giving it some thought, it's probably because of the simple fact that i can't seem to get a grip of my own life. and soon as the thoughts reaches that point, i make it come to a halt. 'cause i refuse to delve further into the ugly truth that i might just be right on this one.

anyways! i am still very much thankful for the loved ones around me who keeps me grounded and well, sane. like what happened today:

got up much earlier than usual, was uber cranky cause my whole body was madly in pain (till it drew redundant suspicions, even!) *rolls eyes*, made our way to House @ Dempsey for the flea market, reached, unpacked while praying hard that the sinus doesn't act up, smile/flatter/thank/welcomed etc while trying to maintain a straight face above the aches and strains, then the parents came back with breakfast+lunch, dad gave me some kinda muscle relaxer and i happily gulped it down, which i regretted a little while later 'cause there was still at least a good 4 hours left till the end of the flea and i had been ready to drop dead by then.

fast fwd.. came the time to pack up and go off, i gained myself a pretty make-up pouch and a major trembling headache-going-on-migraine from trying to stay awake after popping those pills earlier on.

fast fwd summore.. finally reached home 9-ish, dropped flat on my parents' bed with jeans, make-up and all. i remember answering a call in the middle of that concussion, from a particular someone who was asking for tender loving care and attention. but thinking back, i really can't remember a single word i said. sorry, dear. i really can't recall anything. please don't blame me. blame my father.

few hours later.. i'd no choice but to get up to answer nature's call. that was about an hour ago, close to midnight for sure. and only then, i felt my day had just begun. -_-

ehh, and i still haven't get to my point!

point is... (!!!) i only got to check my email a while ago (after all that grogginess cleared up) and i had this waiting in my inbox:

"nur indah jaffar" is my youngest sister aka lim mei mei aka lim bo bo aka Cinta Ayah (Ayah's LOVE). and "everything belongs to me, e e e e.." was a random song she made up, that came along complete with dance steps and constant rhythm. something like Ally McBeal's dancing baby, only better. and funnier.

she basically made my day with that silly unnecessary email.

so you see why i still got reasons to smile? :)

FOR YOU MY TATTOO

2008-04-20T02:28:00.003+08:00

you've probably heard this a million times before, perhaps not even from me..
but i'd just like to say this again. just so you know..

i love you.

BEDTIME REALISATION

2008-04-19T00:28:00.004+08:00

i tried to catch up with life over the past 2 days. and i. am. so. lethargic by now.

hope this heavy feeling in the heart is simply PMS. cos if it's not, then i know very well that it is nothing short of my own fault.

and yes people, i am still unemployed. and getting depressed about it by the minute.

God, help me.

JUST FABULOUS

2008-04-16T15:27:00.001+08:00

staying stagnant at home, i think i've probably just drained the last bits of morale and self-esteem that i ever had in me.

and you know what they say about girls with major insecurities? they turn into major-pain-in-the-Ahole spoilt brats who care about nothing else in life except themselves.

a plastic bitch.

i'd say.

GULP

2008-04-16T00:22:00.000+08:00

YUMMY.

MORE THAN WORDS

2008-04-11T14:37:00.003+08:00

i love love love the camera. not always. and not that i love taking pictures. i just love what a camera does; it captures moments that you'll probably never be able to re-create in reality.

just like today.
i found these pictures..

no doubt looking at them, it brings back the awfully familiar sore out of missing him, as if we just lost him yesterday (it's been almost 4 months, btw). on the other hand, i guess i miss him so much, just discovering that i actually have these photos of him carves a smile on the face! :)

i gotta count myself lucky that i actually grew up with him around in the same house for a good 10 years, at least! unlike his other 26 (if i got the calculations right) other grandchildren. khe.

ELATION EXPRESS

2008-04-09T23:15:00.002+08:00

yessa. presentation finally settled.
much thanks to all you annoying people who pushed me to get it done and over with.

and again, thank you very very much to Lea, Mich, Janice & Annie for that belated birthday celebration. i thought March magic was over. but apparently these girls prolonged it complete with a yummy chocolate cake topped with twenty-one sparkling candles. and it's those type that doesnt blow out ok! TSK. leave that part out should my birthday comes again. oh, i got more presents, too! :)

tanks arr!

BEGONE!

2008-04-08T13:45:00.002+08:00

Word of the Day for Monday, April 7, 2008
woebegone \WOE-bee-gon\, adjective:
1. Beset or overwhelmed with woe; immersed in grief or sorrow; woeful.
2. Being in a sorry condition; dismal-looking; dilapidated; run-down.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I SO NEED TO GET A JOB!!!
like..right now..?

BREAKFAST AT NOON

2008-04-06T13:38:00.002+08:00

sunday, and half the day is wasted just trying to get up.

i got introduced to several new "friends" on my face. they're so not shy! urgh. and i just ordered pizza for the kids. and myself. could have prepared food myself if i wanted to. but since i'm already known to be pretty useless in the kitchen.. i might as well live up to the image. just for today, at least.

gosh, sundays are good for wallowing in self-hatred feelings like that..

shit la.

on the other hand... i so can't wait for Yasmin Ahmad's Talentime to be done and showed here in Sg! =)